Strength and pride

The last several weeks have been trying for me. I had been so increasingly feeling excluded from my daughter's world. I finally managed to connect with her alone and for long enough to have a more real conversation than our previous pleasantries that time would allow. I am very fortunate that she has established her blog as much of her experience comes through in her writing and pictures. It is a mature grown woman that comes through loud and clear. Her character is strong, determined, and independent enough to stay that way. There are not words to express the pride I have in her. I believe that she knows the depth of my feelings but it is definitely hard to articulate. I know that I should be more forthcoming in this venue to prevent her feeling the same distance. Hopefully, she will have a lightened sense of distance by this too.

I went through a difficult time of illness a couple of months ago and have now been struggling through the financial hardships resulting in weeks of missed work. It has been a lesson in humility and feeling desparately sorry for myself. It is with much emotion I look at the pictures from her latest venture. There she is seeing more of the Africa I had envisioned; the desolate land, the spare amenities available to the people, the extreme crowding and limited personal space. I find it difficult to fathom this level of poverty. Though in a way, they are not as poor as I currently feel. They have some opportunity to provide for themselves and sad as it may be, that is the lot life has dealt them. I would say they cannot miss what they have not known. But for me, it is definitely reminding me of all the many advantages and everyday things taken for granted; running, warm water, heat, electricity, food preparation... even in my daughter's earlier comments, she mentions only having a stove available for cooking and how difficult that is. I now am feeling stronger through this time. However, it is still overwhelming to need gas for the car, bread or milk to feed my children, soap to do laundry. I am lucky in that I can count the days to the next paycheck and endure.

I have also struggled with returning to work and public opinion. I have not had a great attendance record with two sons that have health issues as well as my own. It is very difficult for the others to accept my time off as my work going undone creates an evenly split increase in every one's workload. I put in great effort when I am there. I do not visit overly much or take long breaks. I do not take advantage though I am sure it feels that way to others. Amidst this environment, I was notified that I had been nominated for and won an award for a project I had taken on. I let myself feel that this was not a big thing and was almost embarrassed by this because of having been gone. It was not until I went to the award dinner that I realized the import of my accomplishment. While it is true that someone else could easily have participated in this project in my place, I realized that there was no one else who would have taken it to the level that I did. It was a very freeing and invigorating process. As each step was undertaken, a new and exciting leap to another level would come to me. The support and encouragement I received from management was amazing. And though I feel proud of my accomplishment and extremely satisfied that it will make vast changes in the process of our work, I still find it difficult to shrug off the "bad feelings" I perceive from those around me day to day.

I should learn from my daughter to be self motivating and accept my own determination despite the popular opinion. That is how change occurs in our world and I am making a concerted effort to keep this in mind.

Sometimes it is very difficult to be an introvert!

The award itself and the realization of the impact has been very empowering and I find myself more excited about my job. It is very likely that we will work from home within the next year. I can honestly say that I would then love my job! Through all my vast work experience, I have never had a job I honestly enjoyed more. I was quite certain that I would be bored with it quickly but had needed the change. I realize now that I make of the job what I want it to be. It has been five years since I started this job and I love it as much now as I did then.

Okay, no real idea of how to close these thoughts. So I just will...

Spring is almost here

There was some fabulous weather over the weekend. Much of our snow from the storms is melting away. The breeze on skin is strong and heavy carrying the moisture rising from the frozen ground, although it is exhilirating, it feels warm in a fresh and new feeling.

With the new snow and the deep frost we have, mud is the new season! Children love it of course. I have to admit it is a fun sensation to sink in and have had your foot create a vacuum which is difficult to remove yourself from. Thus far, no spills flat faced into the muck, but the season is young.

Everyone is smiling and cheerful. Several people with shorts on today. Over protective mom that I am, of course, it is not warm enough for shorts. It must be 70 degrees. Just want my daughter to know the boys will have the same crazy rules! Cabin fever may be coming to its end. Definitely the time of renewal. It feels especially odd to be alone at this time. The time of rebirth and change. I fear I am missing that this year.

I believe my daughter has found some companionship (more?) among her new group of friends in far away Africa. This is a great thing. I know that she was definitely ready to move on with her life in that arena. I worry some about seriousness and what the future will hold for a new romance. It is difficult to communicate the suggestion to enjoy without becoming overwhelmed by the situation. The opportunities to experience many new adventures together could build a very strong bond and base of a serious relationship. I hope she knows the pride and trust I have in her ability to grow and learn from every experience. My fear is that I am not as easily accessible for advice, a shoulder to cry on, or even a listener of the great things and the not so wonderful details that our closer relationship allowed in the past. Even with all the modern technology available, she still remains on the other side of the Earth; with the communication lines not open in the same way they were before. This is a difficult adjustment for me, and I am sure she feels this too.

She was away for the weekend to the mountains. It is truly amazing to me the beautiful pictures I have seen. Although I rationally understood that the entire continent is not a desert, I am pleasantly surprised by the beauty I now understand is Africa.

We had our daylight savings time change this weekend and am out of sorts for getting tired at night. I must try to sleep.

Fun in the snow

So today was a fabulous winter day. Beautiful sunshine and no wind. And an absolutely fantastic day for a little fun in the snow. So I took the boys sledding today at Golden Hill. Very fun! I had also seen an advertisement for an exhibit at a gallery where the artist had taken pictures of insects in the winter with a magnifying lens. So we also went there to see the winter bug pictures. We had a really great time with that. The photographer was out when we got there but her husband told us a lot of interesting things about the pictures. There were over 100. She is publishing a book of them. I might have to invest in that sometime down the line. She came back as we were leaving and had been taking photos at White Water. She had a live fuzzy caterpillar with her. She took pictures with the caterpillar and the boys and then had her daughter take one of her with us. I will post them when she emails them. Very nice camera so I am sure they will be good. Trevon has a black (not, very icky green) eye so we will see if that is plainly visible!

Not all was rosy and shiny today... Unfortunately the boys did not want to be done playing when it was time to go and with all this snow they had a very interesting obstacle course for me in the pursuit. Up and down snow plow mountains we went. They were in their snow pants but alas my sweats just did not repel the wet quite as well. I was thoroughly soaked for the drive home.

I am not much into the sledding thing myself anymore but did go down with Trevon a few times and it was really fun.

Okay, enough babbling. Here are some photos. I really had a fun time with taking pictures, but just could not manage to catch any good actions shots! Some pictures from storm. Took some through the storm door and didn't realize they flashed so not the best! Okay, putting a bunch out.

Others from sledding.....
Fun with snow angels. Trevon was practicing them at home on the floor last night so he could make a special one just for you! Here he is making it....

here it is! A beauty if I do say so myself. Tynan of course had to be unique...

and do his on his stomach!

Then we swung in and took some at Silver Lake, thought your friends might find the unfrozen lake interesting and who could get bored of seeing hundreds of geese in one place!

Hope you enjoyed them...and don't be too homesick missing them. Heehee!

Have a wonderful week!

6th Birthday

So our boy turned six on Valentine's Day. Of course, there are days he seems much bigger. He decided the day before his party that he wanted Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Luckily grandma was able to pick some up for him. He has become very heavily into dragons over the last several months. He got a wall hanging unit that is a dragon with pockets to put things in. Very cool.... He also got the dragon below in the picture which I found at Ikea. We went there when grandma and the sisters had a night away to the hotel. Wow...I had no idea how incredibly huge it was. Saw a lot of cool things there.

Anyway, it was another birthday cake disaster unfortunately.... luckily not quite as bad as his brother's cake that fell off the truck on the way to grandma's house. I had gotten a dragon to put on the top but when he saw it he said it was too much like a little kid cartoon character so we had to improvise with a lacy doily and stickers and it was less than wonderful. But of course it tasted great and he had a fun party.

Here are some pictures.

Introduction

My daughter has traveled to South Africa to study abroad in her last semester of college. This has been a very exciting time, though I will admit difficult for me. I am very proud of her and appreciate the opportunity she has had to do this.


She is beautiful, funny, a very hard worker, extremely bright and very dedicated to making a change in the world, and I have full confidence that she will.

She also has two younger brothers who miss her much! There is a big age difference and they don't see each other often, but I believe they love each other and enjoy each other's company when they are together.... except for the occasional fighting!

So as this is my first experience with using a blog, I just wanted to get something set up. I will have more comments as this journey continues.